Why Smart Leaders Struggle to Answer the Simple Question: ‘What Do You Want?’
It’s a question so straightforward that it seems almost too simple: “What do you want?” Yet, for many leaders, even those who are highly accomplished and intelligent, this question can be surprisingly difficult to answer. The struggle isn’t about a lack of capability or vision but rather stems from a complex mix of psychological, cultural, and personal factors that make it challenging for leaders to articulate their true desires.
Leaders are often accustomed to putting the needs of others first—whether it’s their teams, stakeholders, or the organization as a whole. Over time, this can lead to a blurring of lines between what they truly want and what they feel they should want. The result? A sense of ambiguity that makes it hard to pinpoint their own ambitions, even for those who are otherwise decisive and clear-thinking.
One of the primary reasons leaders struggle with this question is the sheer complexity of their roles. They are constantly juggling the needs of multiple stakeholders, balancing short-term goals with long-term vision, and navigating the pressures of making decisions that impact both people and profits. In this environment, it’s easy for a leader’s own desires to become entangled with what they believe is expected of them or what they think is best for the organization.
Another significant factor is the fear of judgment. Admitting what they truly want can feel risky for leaders, especially if their desires don’t align perfectly with the expectations of their team, board, or other stakeholders. There’s a fear of being perceived as selfish, unrealistic, or out of touch with the needs of others. This fear can lead to a reluctance to express their true wants, even when it might be beneficial to do so.
Cultural conditioning also plays a role. Many leaders have been trained to prioritize the collective over the individual, often suppressing their own preferences for the sake of harmony and performance. While this can be an effective approach in certain situations, it can also erode a leader’s self-awareness and clarity about their personal goals over time. When you’re constantly focused on what others need, it’s easy to lose sight of what you truly want.
Additionally, high-achieving individuals often struggle with perfectionism and the pressure to maintain a reputation for decisiveness and strength. Expressing a desire that isn’t fully formed or that might evolve over time can feel like a vulnerability, something that could undermine their credibility as a leader. This pressure to appear perfect and certain can make it difficult for leaders to admit when they’re unsure of what they want or when their desires are changing.
These challenges are not just personal; they can have real consequences for leadership effectiveness. When leaders can’t clearly articulate what they want, it can lead to decision-making paralysis, a lack of authenticity, missed opportunities, and even burnout. The inability to connect with their own desires can create a sense of disengagement and dissatisfaction, both for the leader and those they lead.
So, how can leaders overcome these challenges and gain clarity on what they truly want? The answer lies in a combination of self-reflection, courage, and a willingness to embrace iteration and vulnerability. By taking the time to understand their own desires and being honest about them, leaders can make more intentional decisions, inspire their teams, and lead with greater impact and satisfaction.
The Cost of Not Knowing What You Want
Being unable to clearly state what you want has real consequences for leadership effectiveness:
- Decision-Making Paralysis: Ambiguity about personal goals can lead to indecision, as leaders struggle to commit to a course of action without a clear sense of direction.
- Lack of Authenticity: Teams can sense when leaders are disconnected from their own motivations, which can erode trust and engagement.
- Missed Opportunities: Without clarity on personal and organizational wants, leaders may overlook promising opportunities or fail to advocate for necessary resources and changes.
- Burnout and Dissatisfaction: Continually subordinating one’s own desires leads to frustration and disengagement, increasing the risk of burnout over time.
Steps to Gain Clarity
The article provides actionable steps for leaders to reconnect with their true wants and communicate them effectively:
- Dedicate Time for Reflection: Leaders should regularly set aside time for self-reflection, away from daily pressures and distractions, to ask themselves what they really want.
- Embrace Iteration: Getting to the root of one’s desires can take time. Leaders should permit themselves to revise and refine their answers as they gain more insight and experience.
- Test and Share: Sharing tentative answers to “What do you want?” with trusted advisors or peers can help clarify thinking and build confidence in expressing goals more broadly.
- Separate Wants from Shoulds: It’s important to distinguish between what is truly desired and what one feels obligated to want due to external pressures or expectations.
- Practice Courage: Ultimately, expressing what you want as a leader requires courage. By modeling vulnerability and authenticity, leaders not only grow personally, but also inspire their teams to pursue clarity and alignment in their own roles.
Conclusion
Leaders often grapple with the deceptively simple question, “What do you want?” due to a complex interplay of psychological, cultural, and personal factors. These challenges can lead to significant consequences such as decision-making paralysis and burnout. However, by engaging in self-reflection, embracing the iterative nature of desire, and summoning the courage to express their true wants, leaders can overcome these obstacles. This journey not only enhances personal clarity but also fosters more authentic and effective leadership, ultimately benefiting both the individual and the organization.
FAQ
1. Why do leaders find it difficult to answer “What do you want?”
Leaders often struggle due to psychological, cultural, and personal factors. They may prioritize others’ needs, fear judgment, or face cultural expectations that suppress their desires, making it hard to articulate their true wants.
2. What are the consequences if a leader cannot answer this question?
The consequences include decision-making paralysis, a lack of authenticity, missed opportunities, and increased risk of burnout and dissatisfaction.
3. How can a leader start figuring out what they want?
Leaders should dedicate time for self-reflection, away from daily pressures, to explore their true desires and distinguish them from external expectations.
4. Is it okay for a leader’s desires to change over time?
Yes, it’s natural for desires to evolve. Leaders should embrace iteration and permit themselves to revise their goals as they gain more insight and experience.
5. How can a leader communicate their wants without seeming selfish?
Leaders can communicate their wants by sharing them with trusted advisors, testing their ideas, and practicing courage. This approach models authenticity and inspires their teams, rather than appearing selfish.