Want to Raise Successful Kids? Help Them Make This Their Motto: ‘The Work Is the Work’

A Powerful Lesson for Parents

In a world obsessed with achievements and accolades, parents often find themselves pushing their kids to excel. But what if the key to raising successful children lies not in focusing on outcomes, but in embracing the process itself?

Jeff Haden, a renowned author and columnist, highlights a transformative principle in his recent article for Inc.com: “The work is the work.” This simple yet profound motto teaches children—and adults alike—to value effort, persistence, and growth over external validation or fleeting successes.

Why Outcomes Can Be Overrated

When kids are overly focused on results—like winning trophies, earning top grades, or achieving lofty goals—they often lose sight of what truly matters. The gap between their current abilities and their ambitious aspirations can feel insurmountable, leading to frustration and discouragement.

Haden argues that this fixation on outcomes can be counterproductive. Instead of fostering resilience, it can discourage perseverance. The solution? Shift the focus to the daily work itself.

Embracing the Process

The idea of valuing the process is not new, but it’s rarely emphasized in a culture that celebrates winners. By teaching children to appreciate the effort they put in each day, parents can help them build a healthier relationship with their goals.

Consider this: success is rarely the result of innate talent or sudden bursts of motivation. It’s the consistent, often unglamorous work that lays the foundation for achievement. And it’s this mindset that Haden believes parents should instill in their kids.

Lessons from High Achievers

The article shares compelling examples of individuals who embody this process-driven approach:

Venus and Serena Williams were trained by their father, Richard Williams, to focus on skill development rather than early tournament wins. This approach allowed them to build a strong foundation and eventually dominate their sport.
Kirk Hammett of Metallica continued taking guitar lessons from Joe Satriani, even when it required a 25-mile bike ride each way. His dedication to improving his craft, rather than chasing fame, speaks volumes about the power of consistent effort.
Bert and John Jacobs, founders of Life is Good, spent years selling T-shirts from a van before their brand became a household name. Their journey exemplifies the value of perseverance and enjoying the process, regardless of immediate success.

The Motivation Myth

One of the most insightful points Haden makes is about the nature of motivation. Many people believe that motivation precedes action—that you need to feel inspired before you can achieve something. But Haden flips this narrative on its head.

According to Haden, motivation is not something you start with; it’s something you create. It emerges from taking action, making progress, and celebrating small wins. This is what he calls the “motivation myth.” By focusing on effort rather than results, children can build the resilience and confidence they need to keep going, even when the road ahead seems long.

A New Approach for Parents

So, what can parents do to encourage this mindset? Haden offers a practical takeaway: shift the focus from outcomes to the process. Instead of constantly encouraging your child to “win” or “be the best,” praise their habits, routines, and improvements.

For example, instead of saying, “Great job winning the game!” you might say, “I really admire how hard you’ve been practicing and sticking with it.” This subtle shift teaches children to value effort and progress, not just results.

Building a Foundation for Success

The ultimate goal of this approach is to help children develop the qualities that lead to long-term success: grit, patience, and a love for learning. When kids understand that the work itself is what matters, they’re less likely to be derailed by setbacks or failures.

They’ll also build a sense of internal motivation—one that isn’t dependent on external rewards or validation. This is the true foundation of success, whether in academics, sports, or any other pursuit.

A Final Thought

In a world that often prioritizes results over effort, the idea of embracing “the work is the work” offers a refreshing perspective. By teaching children to value the process, parents can help them build the resilience, confidence, and mindset needed to achieve their full potential.

As Haden so eloquently puts it, success is not about where you end up—it’s about how much you grow along the way. And that’s a lesson worth passing on to the next generation.

Read the full article on Inc.com.

Why Focusing on the Process Leads to Lasting Success

Haden emphasizes that when children focus on the process, they begin to understand that success is not about innate talent or luck. Instead, it’s about consistent effort and the willingness to learn from every experience. This mindset is particularly important in today’s fast-paced, results-driven world, where children are often pressured to achieve quick victories rather than develop lasting skills.

How Parents Can Foster a Process-Driven Mindset

Parents play a crucial role in helping their children adopt this approach. Haden suggests that instead of constantly praising results, parents should focus on acknowledging effort, persistence, and progress. For example, instead of saying, “Great job on getting an A,” a parent could say, “I can see how much time and effort you put into studying for that test, and that’s what matters most.”

The Role of Resilience in Long-Term Success

One of the most valuable outcomes of this approach is the development of resilience. When children learn to value the work itself, they are less likely to be discouraged by setbacks or failures. Instead, they see challenges as opportunities to learn and improve. This resilience is a cornerstone of long-term success, as it allows children to persevere through difficult times and stay committed to their goals.

Creating a Growth-Oriented Environment

Haden also stresses the importance of creating an environment where children feel comfortable taking risks and making mistakes. When parents focus on effort rather than outcomes, they send a powerful message: that learning and growth are more important than perfection. This creates a safe space for children to explore, experiment, and develop a love for the process of improvement.

The Power of Small Wins

A key aspect of this approach is the celebration of small wins. By acknowledging and celebrating incremental progress, parents can help their children build confidence and maintain motivation. For example, a child who is learning to play a musical instrument might be praised for practicing consistently, even if they haven’t yet mastered a particular piece. These small victories add up over time, creating a sense of accomplishment and reinforcing the value of hard work.

Teaching Children to Love the Journey

Ultimately, the goal is to help children develop a deep appreciation for the journey itself, rather than just the destination. When they learn to love the process of working towards their goals, they are more likely to stay motivated, even when the results don’t come quickly. This is the essence of the “work is the work” mindset, and it’s a lesson that will serve them well throughout their lives.

Conclusion

Raising successful kids in a world obsessed with outcomes is no small feat, but the principle of “the work is the work” offers a powerful solution. By shifting focus from results to the process, parents can help their children build resilience, grit, and a love for learning. This mindset teaches kids that success is not about where they end up, but about how much they grow along the way. In a culture that celebrates winners, embracing the process is a refreshing and effective way to nurture the qualities that lead to lasting success.

As Jeff Haden so aptly puts it, success is not about innate talent or luck—it’s about consistent effort and the willingness to learn from every experience. By fostering a process-driven mindset, parents can give their children the tools they need to thrive in any endeavor. The journey may be long, but the lessons learned along the way are what truly matter.

Frequently Asked Questions

What does “the work is the work” mean for kids?

It means valuing effort, persistence, and growth over external validation or outcomes. It teaches children to focus on the process rather than just the results.
How can parents encourage a process-driven mindset?

Parents can praise effort, persistence, and progress rather than just outcomes. For example, focus on hard work and improvement instead of just winning or getting top grades.
Why is resilience important for success?

Resilience helps children persevere through setbacks and failures. When kids value the process, they see challenges as opportunities to learn and improve, which is crucial for long-term success.
How can parents measure success in a process-driven approach?

Success can be measured by consistent effort, progress, and a willingness to learn. Celebrate small wins and improvements, rather than focusing solely on achievements.
What role do small wins play in motivation?

Small wins build confidence and maintain motivation. Acknowledging incremental progress helps children stay engaged and reinforces the value of hard work.
Does this approach work for all areas of life?

Yes. The “work is the work” mindset is applicable to academics, sports, hobbies, and any other pursuit. It fosters a growth-oriented mindset that benefits all areas of life.

Raise Resilient and Successful Kids by Teaching Them to Embrace the Work Over the Results